Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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