the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
