2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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