Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
