He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
