i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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