Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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