Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bit a glass in half.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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