I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
