she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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