the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
