hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Apparently you make a good broom.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
