i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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