Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
