i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
