I'm eating all of the evidence.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
