I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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