It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
