you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
