I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
