Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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