Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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