A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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