My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize