so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
