i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
