New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
