Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize