i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
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She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
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It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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