farters have to be the big spoon...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
