I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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