We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?