so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome