I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
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Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
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This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.