i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.