I murdered the dance floor call the cops
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
