he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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