I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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