your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
