we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
