Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
