Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
