I just cut my nipple shaving
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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