hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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