Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
