Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
