cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
