you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
