Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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