I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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