I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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