elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
