He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
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He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
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You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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