too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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