So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So much rum. So many feels.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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