I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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