Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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