I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
