Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
His nipple licking is glorious
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