Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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