Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
