They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
