I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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